Single Woman Pity
If you are a single woman, then at one time or another you have faced the single woman pity. The look that people give you as to say OMG the world is going to come to an end because you are single. I don’t really understand why people feel like you need to be in a relationship to complete or validate yourself. Perhaps some of us do not want to get married, perhaps some of us are still waiting to find the person we think is good enough for us, or perhaps we are happy just being single?
If you are a single woman you have probably had that moment where you ran into an old-school friend or colleague, someone from a past life you haven’t seen in a while. You do the pleasant thing and say hi how are you, its most likely that they will respond and say something like “Great, just running around for the kids…..”. They finish their sentence then instantly you know what’s coming, you are already dreading the question, then bang! “What about you? Are you married? Any kids?”. That’s when you go into your shell almost feel bad for yourself, your tone lowers and you say “no, not married, no kids.”, then they give you the head tilt and the *ullshit pity talk “Oh don’t worry, you will find him soon, he’s probably just around the corner”. You then either agree or say oh no I’m happy as I am, but you say it in such a high pitch voice out of nerves that you can see the other person isn’t quite convinced, so now you have to say more rubbish to convince them as well as yourself. What makes it worse is that that other person is usually a fellow woman.
I’ve had so many moments when a fellow woman has given me that pity talk, most the time I’ve said “Oh it’s fine, I’m not really looking anyway” or “I’m fine, it will happen when it will happen”. What I really want to say is “Oh it’s fine, I get to go out, get drunk, sleep in, get my nails done, my hair done, travel the world, so I’m happy”. Followed by “God children hey? That must be hard, bad enough your husbands snoring probably kept you awake before and now you have children keeping you up. No time to see friends or smell of perfume instead of sick. I bet you’re cleaning sick at 4am when I’m getting in from a night out or you’re probably making school costumes for arts and crafts whilst I’m learning the art of Michelin star dinning at the Duck and Waffle”. I’d love to say that, but I don’t. Sometimes the single woman pity’s the non-single woman, for what she deems happiness is so far from what you deem to be happiness. She now pity’s you for not being able to be you, for the fact that your life seems like a storm of events you cannot get away from and she is probably feeling pity for you because you started the pity party, petty I know, but that’s what happens.
How about the single mum or divorcee? It’s just as bad for you, right? Because they speak to you in a way to say “Oh you should have never left him, how can you be single again” Failing to understand that you are happier now then you ever were, encouraging and empowering women to stand up for themselves and walk away because it’s best for them or their children.
It’s even worse when you meet a woman regardless of if you are single or taken, she thinks she can start to rub salt into the wounds, or so she thinks. She will go on to say her husband is working hard, whilst she is the housewife and her family are going somewhere exotic for a holiday soon, she has this many cars, this many bedrooms’ blah blah blah. Good for you love, I’m happy you have all these things, clearly important to you, but not to me, so really it back fires and another pity party starts.
I have no issues with being single for I choose to be single right now, yes that’s right I choose. It’s not code for I really want a man and that’s why I have to say this so you believe it, it’s the truth. I have finally learnt that when I bump into someone random and they give me the pity talk I can call them out and say to them “Oh please no need for pity, I love my life. I am happy I am free, for right here and right now I am exactly where I want to be in life”. I don’t want to kick the fellow non-single woman down, so I hope you can all say the same. What I would say to those non-single women is, remember you were single once before, remember the pain, the heartache, the madness, the struggle. The single woman has or is probably going through it, perhaps she is flying so high in her career making progress breaking barriers for all women or perhaps she is doing what she truly loves and sees no room for a man in her life, she is content in being who she is loving life itself. Don’t judge her or pity her, instead encourage her, stand strong with your fellow woman. She has enough $rap to put up with as it is, she doesn’t need a fellow woman to make her question womankind.
Women have moved on so much yet we still have some women forgetting the first rule of being a woman – girl power! Fair enough you got married at the age of 24 and are still with him, well good for you, but just because that was right for you doesn’t mean it is right for every other woman. Perhaps you should look at the single woman and see what she is doing for herself and more importantly womankind. The same applies on the other side, just because a woman is married and has children doesn’t necessarily mean she has lost herself or that the chaos in her life means she isn’t happy. Perhaps she has fulfilled one of her dreams and the storm of events she deals with in her life of being a working woman is adding to the pot of women’s strength, you are both helping women to grow, sometimes you just forget that you are on the same side and it’s not about having a one up on each other, it’s about how we are working together as a team to help women.
We have the world’s stereo-types to live up to and if we haven’t then we get judged, but there are no rules really, your life is your own journey. So, next time you see a fellow woman you haven’t seen in a long time ask her how she is and what’s new in her life, not if she is married or has children. Listen to her tell you about her progress and step away from the trap of pity talk, single or taken you are both awesome so encourage and marvel in the fact that you are both adding positively to the elite group of womankind.