The irrational emotions of an ex
So, it’s been a while and you’re single or just recently broke up with someone. Everyone around you are saying things like `It will be OK` or `You are better off without him` or better yet `He was a dick, what did you ever see in him anyway`. When you break up with someone it’s not great, most of us know this, but other people around you not in the same shoes forget. They have mended their hearts and moved on so they have forgotten the freshness of that cut that made them bleed for so long. That horrible feeling that the person you believed you were building something with has disappeared, the faith you put in your decision has crumbled. You now have the pain and the embarrassment of telling people you aren’t together; and to make it worse thanks to social media, you now need to delete those pictures you took of the `good times` declaring to the world this was your person, your love, your future. It’s not easy and it does hurt and what I want those of you hurting to know is that you are not alone, even if friends may have forgotten there are other women in the world who feel the same. It’s not silly, it’s not stupid, it is the cycle of your emotions.
I’ve been single for a while now, and I won’t lie it was my choice and I am happy, but then recently I saw my ex had moved on to someone new. It was ridiculous and stupid, I got upset, I felt jealousy, I was sad. All the while I was shouting at myself `What the fuck is wrong with you?! You left him and don’t even want him!!` And it is true, I don’t; but it didn’t stop my feelings going back to the place of crazy. I spent a little time feeling low about him, I remembered how he made me laugh, all the pictures we took I even dug some out, pathetic I know! I think I did that because I saw a picture of him and his new girlfriend, and they looked happy. I finally stopped wallowing in self-pity and realised that we took hundreds of pictures where the world would have thought we were happy, but we weren’t. I forgot that pictures can show the truth as well as make us believe lies.
I couldn’t help but be up-set and for love nor money could I understand why it was impacting me so much, and then finally the penny dropped! I wasn’t up-set with him moving on or him being happy. It was that he had moved on, I started questioning myself. What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Did I try hard enough? Should I have been more patient? Maybe my expectations were too high? I was so consumed in `Why didn’t it work with me and why is it working with someone else?` I completely disregarded thinking about the fact that a) he may not be happy b) he never made me happy c) I tried with all my heart until he broke it d) I have been so much calmer since I left him e) I haven’t cried since I left him f) I am actually happy; the list is endless. It’s so typical of me, or maybe women? We just blame ourselves, we are so good at throwing our heart at everything that if it doesn’t work, even if it’s not our fault we think it is, but it isn’t. They say a woman makes a man, perhaps the boy was not ready to be a man? They also say that one woman’s junk is another woman’s treasure. Maybe I made him into treasure for his new girlfriend? Although, even if I did I know that he is not the treasure I want, his treasure may have expanded from copper to gold, but I am in the league of diamonds, which he has certainly not upgraded to. So, on the flip side, maybe there is a woman out there who’s junk is waiting to be my / your treasure of diamonds?
I know it hurts when you break up, whether he was a dick or not, whatever the circumstances are it doesn’t stop you hurting; and stupidly if you ever see him again, you will always feel a little something good or bad. I mean how could you not? You loved him or at least cared for him unconditionally. I guess what I am trying to say is that it’s OK to feel like this, it’s OK to feel low, but it is not OK to think it was your fault or you did anything wrong. You broke up because he wasn’t right for you in the first place, hard to keep perspective I know; but look at the things you won’t miss. In my case, paying for his lifestyle, not being treated like shit, no more lies and have false promises made to me. When I say that out loud I cannot help but think God what a dick I was to get up-set, but I guess that’s human nature. Sometimes our emotions play tricks with us, and remembers that we associated that face once with happiness. We get in such a frenzy with that emotion that all rational goes out the window. If that’s what’s happening to you just remember you left for a reason, look at the good in your life and focus on what is in front of you and not behind you.
So, what if he moved on? So have you, you just got distracted when you saw him. You were never meant to be together because if you were you would never have broken up. Yes, you may have had some good times, but if he couldn’t give you what you wanted when you were together then you were never truly happy anyway. Take a deep breath remember the reasons you broke up, it’s not your fault it didn’t work, you did try. Your expectations were not too high, you ran the course of your patience, but in the end, you were smart enough to realise that you come first and you deserve not just better, but everything you want! Focus on all the great things you are doing now and hold on to your happy thoughts. Celebrate being free from the shackles of pain and focus on the good that awaits you in your future; and remember an ex is always an ex for a reason, why else would you have broken up?